If I had one more day...

What a busy time it has been....with a really good summer and an overseas trip under our belt....

We have started a new school year....

8th grade for this girl. Like all parents, it is so hard to believe she's 14. A year away from high school, two years away from being driver license elgible and 4 years away from quite possibly moving off to the life of college. 

At 38 I never thought I would be thinking about empty nest syndrome but me, being the planner and worrier I am, I'm already thinking about it and a new whole new set of worries come on. 

Not only did a part of me die when Noah died...a part of our story died. When we have children we have so many grand adventures planned for them. Yes, he lived a decade but he lost the chance at a future...and I feel like I lost a lifetime with him. More times than I care to count I find myself wishing for just one more...one more of anything but especially just one more day.....

If I had one more day 

I would wake up early throw open the windows 

and let the sun in

and excitedly tell you, "it's a new day!"

Or if the forecast was full of rain

I would dig out our rain coats and galoshes

and play outside anyway. 

I'd fly a kite, I'd fly your plane, I would lay and just look at the clouds,

look at the sky and look at you.

If I had just that one more day. 

I would hug you so tight until you probably ran away

I would let you do that one more swim, one more jump, or one more bike ride.

But this time...I would do all that and a thousand other things with you

If I had just one more day. 

Noah Dean,

I miss you more than words could ever convey. Even though your gone I think of you no less than when you were physically here with me. Your name flows with Haleigh Raye as it did for years and I often imagine how you would react to things going in. I've pictured you waving me off as I drop you off for a day at school and I've replayed our reunions when the 3:00 bell rings. I hope you can hear my daily good mornings, my nightly good nights and words in prayers are relayed to you. I can't wait to hear Haleigh Raye's laugh and see her face the only way you could do. You are still so loved and that will never change. 

Until we have that one more day that never ends,

Mommy