Sunday, September 8, 2013

Fingerprints that wash away but thankfully the memories never do.

"Tiny hands, tiny fingers, that always want to play,
That never stop exploring that wonder of today,
Tiny hands, tiny fingers, that from the very start,
Will reach out for tomorrow yet always hold your heart."

This past Saturday I was working around my house cleaning here and cleaning there. After a morning of work I lastly came to my front storm door that is all glass. I remember this door being one of the first things I installed when we moved into our house because the other one was old and you couldn't see out it very well. I wasn't thinking about all the tiny handprints that would be all over my door for years to come and me, being the OCD person I am, feeling the need to constantly clean it almost everyday. My kids LOVED this door and the view it provided them. They would set and watch the weather, other kids play, the mailmen come and go and, one of their favorites, the city dump truck as it would cruise through the neighborhood. 

As I was cleaning away, on a door that didn't need as much attention as it did a few years ago, I was reminded of those long days of cleaning that glass along with a million other things I had to get done with two preschoolers who were 18 months apart. I felt like the days would never end and it was just minutes between waking up in the morning to lying down at night. The day flew by that fast and they, along with the demands of life, took all the energy I had. 

Honestly I don't know how I did it and I don't know if I could do it at the age I am now. I remember all those seasoned mothers who told me, "this is just a season" and "this time too shall pass." Easy for them to say. They looked put together, even had their hair brushed and were on time for events. They were actually setting down and enjoying their meals. I, on the other hand, felt like I had been in a mud wrestling competition with two untamed horses. They could be the sweetest things but, at times, I looked at the two of them and seriously questioned their maternity. How could I have produced such creatures that did such things and caused me to act in a way I never would have?  Sometimes the only reassurance of control I had was to remind myself I had a measured out portion of Benadryl for each child ready to be inserted into their mouths within a moment's notice. 

I've always felt called to being in the ministry and I truly enjoy it. It has been a privilege for my kids to get to be loved on by so many of our church members and they have always been there to give me encouraging and loving advice, but there was sometimes, I am sure even they questioned my mothering skills during those preschool years. I can recall, one evening, a church member coming up to me during our Wednesday evening meal and telling me "how well behaved your children are." I was glowing with pride and almost missed the last of the sentence when this was added, "compared to last year. They are actually setting down and not throwing their food at people." The pride quickly dissolved and I thanked her for, what I think, was meant as a compliment.

Oh, the memories. Oh, the joyous times. Oh, the rushing around, the seemingly never ending household duties to take care of.

Washed away...just like those handprints.

Life, for me now, is so different. My laundry is caught up. My to do list is shorter...and gets checked off each day. My house stays clean and my schedule is manageable. There is extra time for one more cup of coffee in the mornings. I can actually set down and watch a tv show from start to finish. I no longer have to hide my desserts for fear of little mouths wanting it. I used to request, "could someone please just give me 5 minutes of peace and quiet?" 

Sure life is busy with a teenage girl but those 5 minutes of peace and quiet are far too easy to come by now. Those handprints are gone and the glass is all clean, but the memories they left behind will most certainly last and carry me through a lifetime.

So mommas and daddies with little ones remember wise words I was once told. "This is just a season" and "this time too shall pass" cause it surely is and it surely will. 

But always, ALWAYS keep the Benadryl, or something of like nature, close at hand. 


  1. Love, love, love reading your blog! You express what all mothers have dealt with. Thank God for out memories though!

    1. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE reading comments like yours! Thank you!

  2. Hello we have never met, but I have followed your life since you lost your son. Your great strength in the midst of your weakness amazes me. I have had loss in my life in the last few years loosing my father and my sister a year apart to the day. I know that does not compare to the loss of a child, but I can slightly identify. I don't I tend to give you advise on how to heal your life, I just want you to know someone is watching and it matters. Reading your post helps me know for sure how much God loves His children. The ones who are trapped in space and time and the ones who have been freed into eternal life with Him. Thanks so much for sharing through your pain

    1. Thank you so much, friend, for these words and let me say I am SO very sorry for your losses. Hope you have had peace and healing throughout these times.

  3. You have no idea how much I needed this for the week! Love you friend and thank u! -kala

  4. Jessica... Thank you for all you share with us. You make me cry all the time. But, today I was smiling/laughing with joy as I read this. God Bless You My Friend!

    1. Well, thank you Kemberly! Loved that there was a little more uplifting feeling felt during this post. Blessings right back at you!