9 months today. I could ask myself where the time has gone but I know. I know where every hour and sometimes where every second has gone. It's been full of missing you. 9 months. For 9 long months I carried you, awaited and prepared for your arrival. I wondered about your life. I imagined what you would look like. What color your hair would be? Would you even have any hair? What would be your first words? What would you do all day? How would your life impact my life, our community and maybe even our world? Would you be a doctor or a lawyer? Maybe you would enter the ministry. I prayed that you would become a believer and you would change lives and change hearts. I just knew you would. You had already changed mine and, along with your sister, you completed me. Daily people would tell me how you would change my life and my heart. Everyday for 9 months I found myself telling you hello until you could join me in my world. I knew there would be so much of you to share...but I had to wait.
9 long months and I have found myself asking those very same questions in an entirely different way. What do you look like in heaven? Are you the same as I knew you? Will I recognize you immediately? What color is your hair in heaven? Do you even have hair in heaven? If so, is it that sandy brown? Does it turn blondish in the light that they say heaven is full of? Do you still have those big brown eyes that I never took for granted. What were you first words when you stepped over? Were you in awe like they say we will be? What do you do all day? Oh, Noah, there are so many times I long to be right there with you feeling what you experience seeing what you see...but I have to wait.
9 months. In 9 months there are many things I've learned about your life here on earth. You didn't need to live 50 years to make a difference. You did it on your own with your undeniable boyish look, your love of life, your smile and most of all...most importantly of all...your testimony. You entered the ministry all right. Your life was and has become a ministry to so many and especially to me. Not many parents get to see the fruition of their child's testimony come to life but I have. Daily for 9 months at least one person tells me their story and how they heard about you, how you changed their life...how you changed their heart. For 9 months I have found myself sharing about you, back to wondering about you and telling you goodbye all at the same time until I can join you in your world...but I have to wait.
My best friend sent this video to me last night. Briefly I thought it was going to be just another sad video about death, losing a child and all that goes with it...well it was all that with a very special, unexpected addition. I hope you can watch it in its entirety so you can see why.